Fourteen Alternative Cloverfield Monsters

June 20, 2008 at 10:19 am | Posted in Movies | 1 Comment

I was going through old post drafts of mine and found these sketches for alternative monsters to that thing you barely see in the Cloverfield movie. Since the DVD has just been released last week, I’ve scanned some sketches from my A4 refill pad I’ve drawn with a pencil and a pen (I know -only the best art supplies for me). These pictures are very high quality for some reason, so feel free to click to embiggen (hmmm… for some reason WordPress doesn’t seem to think that “embiggen” isn’t a perfectly cromulent word).

1. Gojira would have been the obvious choice from watching the initial Cloverfield teaser trailer for the first time. We all knew that it couldn’t be Gojira due to copyright reasons but we can dream. Especially for a film where the soundtrack isn’t better than the movie itself. Here‘s the trailer- as someone points out in the comment section: ” Thank god godzilla isnt real that would suck if he was”. Indeed, good sir.

2. The oddest of my suggestions: Verne Troyer. There’s not much of a reason for this. The image of Mini-Me biting Austin Powers by the gonads is just a haunting one to me and I can easily imagine New York city citizens running for their lives from this fate.

3. It’s The Blob! According to it’s awesome poster, it’s “Indescribable! Indestructible! (which counts as a description my book) Nothing can stop it! (Except a teenage Steeve McQueen)”. A giant amorphous creature from outer space that terrorized a small Pennsylvanian town and would’ve succeeded if it wasn’t for Steve McQueen’s quick wits. It soon died after being frozen by carbon dioxide. The end. Or is it?

4. What’s scarier than a horrible human consuming jelly-like substance? Why, Mr Blobby, of course. That jiggly-eyed obese humanoid scared the bejeesus out of Noel Edmonds every Saturday Night. I mean, Noel was only trying to host weekly house parties. That mean chubby pink bastard…

5 & 6. It’s The Hulk and another Hulk! One has freaky looking muscles, the other has… One has silly hair and clothes, the other has… Alright there are some subtle differences: Hulk Hogan has a belt, he isn’t green and he doesn’t say “Hulk Smash”. He does, however, think that a coma is God’s way of telling you to slow down.

7. Lost’s Smokey Goes To The City! When the amazing teaser trailer for the Cloverfield movie was released before screenings of Transformers almost a year ago, people didn’t know what to make of it. It was exciting but you knew nothing about it. All people knew that it was a J.J. Abrahms project, it had a monster, and it was shot in a first person view. People were speculating about what kind of monster this was going to include or whether or not it was movie at all. It could’ve been a viral video for the fourth season of Lost which was due to start around the films release date (01-18-08, a possible film title at the time) and from the previous season’s finale, we knew that the Lost characters were back in the real world.

8. It’s King Kong! And he looks lost and confused because I can’t draw for shit! I always thought that Peter Jackson’s King Kong didn’t spend enough of his 3-hour screen time terrorizing people in New York.

9. Like my favourite scene from Ghostbusters II, she’s gonna squeeze some New York juice from the Big Apple while rockin’ out to some Howard Huntsberry. We all know that’s one heavy dame and could do a lot of damage. Sure, she may be slow but “don’t worry, she’s tough. She’s a harbour chick.”

10. The Power Rangers Megazord robot. In the unlikely event that you don’t know, Megazord is a robot assembled from all the Power Rangers Zords- these colossal mechanical or bio-mechanical robotic vehicles that the Power Rangers used to fight monsters. Usually, a Megazord would fight a dinosaur or mythical creature at the end of every episode and these fights would destroy a whole load of skyscrapers. This must’ve led to a huge amount of lives lost off screen. That would’ve lead to people hating the power rangers. That then would lead to Power Rangers having kick collective asses of the New York public. That concludes our history lesson of the great Zords Rampages of the 1990’s.

11. A Rancor monster from Star Wars. Jabba The Hutt’s pet is able to tear people apart as seen in 1983 documentary Star Wars: Return Of The Jedi- Rest in peace Oola nad Jubnuk. As long as this 5 meter tall carnivore avoids getting crushed by a simple portcullis, he would be unstoppable.

12. The Imperial AT-AT Walker as seen terrorizing the rebel troops in the Battle Of Hoth. We lost a lot of good men that day. I really don’t want to talk about it…

13. Here’s a monster my 3-year old cousin made up on the spot. I’ve just fine-tuned it and gave it weird pulsing ear bubble type things. It’s white and looks like an elongated version of the monster from The Host. They both originate as mutations from chemical spills in the ocean and aren’t that fond of people.

14. The Cookie Monster. Oh, he’s a dirty bastard.

1 Comment »

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  1. SOG knives…

    Interesting ideas… I wonder how the Hollywood media would portray this?…


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