End Of Transmission…December 27, 2008 at 12:02 am | Posted in The Blog And I | 10 Comments
End of transmission?! You mean Monscooch.com is no more?!
Or so that pointlessly misleading post title would have you think! Ha ha! As Aragon once said in Return Of The King “We back, bitches! Throw your mother-flippin’ hands in the ayer, yo!”. I’ve been away due to personal and/ or health issues. I obviously won’t divulge into the personal details but the health problems involved a sporadic pain in the… heart… region. Every so often, over the course of 3 months, I would randomly feel a squeezing sensation (If that’s the best way to describe it) that had me clutching my heart. For an idea of how painful it would be, imagine pulling a particular muscle in a very precise point except it’s much more painful than just that. It’s like someone punching you in a specific spot but that that someone would be a pissed off Wolverine.
I’m a generally strong man for my size and pull muscles like there’s no tomorrow (that doesn’t even make sense). With my high pain threshold, I’ve had many teeth removed (once without general anesthetic) as I sing the piano parts of Gary Jules’ Mad World in my head thinking about the previous episode of 24 or whatever. The heart pain, however would often leave me, a man too proud to say anything ever hurts, clutching my heart for a few seconds while the pain shoots through my limbs and I cramp up tightening every muscle. Sometimes, much to the confusion of people witnessing me in my moment of weakness, the pain would be too much to bear while standing so I’d fall to my knees giving the appearance of a heart attack. Hilarity, of course, would ensue.
My first trip to the doctor was a bit odd, to say the least. I was forced by a co-worker to make an appointment as soon as possible because, apparently, chest pains are pretty serious and due to the proximity of the pain to my heart meant it was urgent. Like everyone’s favourite Jar-Jar (of the Binks family, naturally) once said “I don’t know! Mesa day startin’ pretty okee-day with a brisky morning munchy, then BOOM! Gettin’ very scared and grabbin’ that Jedi and POW! Mesa here! Mesa gettin’ very very scared!”.
In walks the young blond doctor and she says “Hi, I’m new here”. That’s not the first thing you want to hear from a doctor when you think you’ve got heart problems- it’s disheartening for lack of a better word. After doing her tests, she established that yes, I do have a heart, and yes, I do have problems. All she gave me were serious painkillers that made me feel drunk, drowsy, depressed and other words that begin with the letter D.
I stopped eating anything fatty in any way, causing me to lose a lot of weight but that made no difference. I drank a lot of those yellow Lucozade energy drinks to keep me going but it turned out that they have a lot of hidden caffeine that makes your heart go bat-shit loco. Unlike Red Bull, you don’t immediately know how bad they are for you which is why you see young guys die in the middle of football matches. 6 weeks later and the pain was still there so I went to get a second opinion. It turns out it’s not my heart at all but the area around it. The tissue between the heart and ribs got very tight because I’m tall, young and I got into the habit of doing a lot of intense heavy lifting.
This post reminded me why I liked blogging so now that Christmas is over, and the fact that I’m still alive, I’m going to go blogging (side note: isn’t it weird that WordPress’ spellcheck doesn’t recognize blogging as a word?). I’m currently trying to get a new design for this page together for the new year and a new weekly feature that will start next week which is going to be so exciting, people will rename the day Monscooch Monday in it’s honour.